Oh yes, Here I am again and it’s been a while since i last blogged.I guess the only time i try to post something here is when i feel depressed or just plain bored. 

Nonetheless, just want to let out a piece of my mind. As the title says: Happiness. When do people find this? When can one say that they are ‘Happy’ in life? Lately, I’ve been trying to search for the answer for this. I could only feel but envious of the people around me. they seem contented with what they have in their lives. A happy status message in Facebook, Recent pics from a weekend getaway in Bora, Finding the partner that they would spend their life with, getting married here and there, doing good in each of their careers. i could go on and on with this, and see just how ‘Happy’ they are. And then I just realized, Happiness does not come to people who look for it. If a person comes looking for it, they develop certain standards to be able to categorize themselves as ‘Happy’. Don’t try to expect because it’s better to be surprised than to be dissapointed. It would not matter if you did something good or bad and expect something in return. People get what they get. It does not have anything to do with what they deserve. Some People might say that I just need to find a Girl to stop with this nonsense. haha! Although I hope that whatever it is, I come to a point where i would find my own ‘Happiness’. A life where I am content. Still waiting..

Okay, First of all, I would like to make a disclaimer. I would like to say that the words that would follow MAY not be entirely true. These things are entirely based on what I THINK and could not be true for what others think or experience/d.

Okay, as the title says, Why do Jerks (by this i mean: Playboy, Mayabang, Mayaman) most of the time GET the Girl. Guys like me always thought of this. (By ‘Guys like me’ , I meant : Hopless romantics, torpe, the shy type, not a jerk, and always believe that we should treat girls with respect. The typical nice, Boy-next-door type). Now this is just based on observation but Most of the time, may it be at Movies, High School, College, and even when you get to work, guys like me don’t stand a chance against Jerks who take girls for granted (given that you could already compete in the looks and personality dept.). We all get stuck on the Friendzone and wonder why it happens. Just to find out that at the end of that relationship, the girl that we like/liked just got hurt by the Jerk that they chose in the first place. then they would complain that “all guys are the same” or “why does this always happen to me” and all other things that i did not mention. Then we all say to ourselves “Why did she not just pick me in the first place?? I’m not like that. She could have had a good time with me.”

This is because of one thing: The Fear of Rejection. Whenever a guy Genuinely  likes a girl (by this i mean: the kind of LIKE that would eventually lead to LOVE), He wants everything to be perfect. He does not want to mess up a single thing when pursuing that girl. Lets say for example: Sending a Text message. Now, the Friendzone guys would  worry about a lot of factors:

•time of day

•message length,

•what the girl would think his motive would be

•the girls mood at the time

•current events

•message content, and

•what the girl would reply after the message.

•The first other factors for the last factor

Right after that, they end up not texting the girl at all because of thinking about a lot of things. now the Jerks would probably just worry about one thing:

  •Cellphone Load

The Friendzone guy would worry so much that he would screw up. that is why he would put a lot of factors in his mind in order for everything to go smooth just for that one special girl. They even do research first. The thing is, most things do not happen the way it is planned. So when at least one of the factors go wrong, it all falls apart one by one because of how we loyally stick to the plan. at the end, we are not so smooth and the girl did not see that factor that she was looking for: Being Interesting . 

Now the Jerk would not worry at all (maybe a little) and he does not have factors or any of that stuff. But nonetheless, he worries about minimal things. He follows the the saying “There are a lot of fish in the sea”. so if he screws this up, he just moves on to his next prospect. if he does catch her, it’s what he eats for dinner (figuratively). and being spontaneous is what makes him interesting for the girls even though his fellings are not genuine.

So basically,The Friendzone guys want to catch THE fish in the sea and the jerks want to catch ANY fish in the sea as long as it fits their needs.

So there you go. that is what i think. The fear of rejection makes us all so worried that we don’t make a move at all. 

Just wished that Girls would know the reason behind this also. haha. If a guy becomes Torpe, of very shy in front of you compared to others, he may genuinely like you. either that or he’s just a nerd who never had experience with girls AT ALL. 

It takes a lot of courage to get what/who we want in life. that would mean a lot of difficulties and errors along the way. don’t be afraid of rejection as it is a part of life. One cannot climb to the top without coming from the bottom and having a few tumbles in his journey.  

In life, you can’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. Take note that the word ‘balanced’ is used before ‘successful’ because Balanced means ensuring that your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

“Life is like one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships represent the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Because if not, you may achieve success, but the spark, the feeling of being excited and alive, would just not be there.

One thing about nurturing the spark - don’t take life too seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we only live Temporarily. We are like pre-paid cards with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up?

Sometimes, It’s ok to bunk a few classes, score low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, fall in love, have little fights with your spouse. Problems sometimes make your life worth telling about.  Always remember that We are people, not programmed devices.”

“Don’t be serious, be sincere.”!!

This article in the Net really struck me. It was a speech given by a man named Chetan Bhagat. I just modified it a little to fit my Grammatical Preference. By seeing this, it really changed my view in life. It taught me that no matter what happens, you must end up living your life with no regrets. By looking at the title itself, i did not believe it at first because i thought that if you never took life seriously, you would just get messed up for the rest of your life but it meant a whole lot differently when you get to understand it. It doesn’t mean that you would do everything w/ out thinking about the consequences. It meant that whatever your choices in life are, make sure that you end up being happy about it. i had to learn it the hard way. based from experience, i had to work on jobs that had a high pay but it’s not the job that i wanted to do in my life. i wasn’t fulfilled by the career that i’m doing in my life. Even if we say that we need to be practical and stick with the money, considering these days. I don’t want to grow old thinking back in my life that i never did what i wanted when i still had my chance. No need to be worked up all the time. we have to enjoy life while we still have the luxury to do so. Even if we mess up, just use it to build you up. There would be no use in sulking about it because it won’t turn back time and reverse what happened. We only live once, try everything while you can. Sometimes, just for the fun of it. Haha!  But that doesn’t mean that you would be stupid with your choices. Grab every good opportunity  that would come your way especially if find yourself at the bottom. Remember, when you got nothing, it also means that you have nothing else to lose.

A Missed opportunity, a life mistake, a lingering thought. These are some of the things that sometimes make someone wish that time travel exists. It’s part of human nature to make mistakes every once in a while. However for some cases, making mistakes happen too many times more than wanted.

A few weeks back, i watched a Japanese drama titled “Proposal Daisakusen” and it’s about a guy who was given chances to go back to specific events in his life in order to win back a girl that was getting married to another man. The guy was one of the girl’s closest friends since their childhood. The Guy made mistakes through key events in their life which had lead to the event where they are at. throughout the series, he tries to correct the mistakes that he made so that he would win her back and would end up getting married in the end.  

I know it’s a bit cheesy and i probably could not relate to the Main Character’s situation just yet, but for some reason, i envy him a lot. even if my intentions are not of love, i would like to go back in time just to correct my own mistakes to give myself a better life. I am pretty much not contented with my life right now. I have a job that i believe i won’t get too far from. My family is great, but not as great from others that i know of and of course, not to mention my love life. It’s pretty much something that i would not want my 10-year old self to experience in his future. I would definitely want a life that i could brag about to that kid.

Right from the start, when i was concieved, my Father left my Mom for another woman. He had another family and lived a different life. I also had a brother from the same dad but he passed away at young age. Finally, me and my mom were left all alone w/ each other. Most of the time, i hate my Father for doing that. My mother raised me all alone, paying for my schooling, supporting me all the way. We never had the luxury of having Family outings, family trips or whatever families tend to do during their leisure time. we never had the time to spend christmas or new year without being with my cousins.  Seeing how my mom is; she is a great person, kind, religious, and fun to be with. I really believe that she deserves a life much much better than this. she deserves a normal family life. but that was taken away fom her. if she never “hooked up” with my dad, she might have had a better life for her. sometimes, i think that i would take the risk of wishing that i was never born at all. however, i don’t wish that i am dead right now. those are two different things. if i had the chance to go back in time, i would stop my mom from dating my dad and maybe she would have a better life even when knowing that i won’t be part of it. i would whole-heartedly do that for her sake.

But alas, we do not live in a life of fantasy. we get by from what we have everyday. we just try to maximize what life had given us and try to make the best of it. Even though that is the case, it never slips my mind that i wish i had that “Reset Button” to re-do my life and take the chance to make it better.

Another conclusion is that maybe things are happening the way they are because God has better things planned out for me. Problems are present in everyone’s life to make it interesting. w/out a problem or a conflict, one would not be able to remember their life the way they do. Problems make one’s life worth telling a story about.

Ever had hat feeling when you wake up? The feeling when the first thing you do is smile because you have that special someone to call yours. The feeling when you think of that person even though you try not to, but you like it. The feeling when you just feel so inspired doing all of the things you do. At the end of the day, even though you’re tired, it’s okay because you know that person is there to making you smile. I used to have that feeling and i miss it. Having that feeling makes you think that you have a purpose in life. it makes you feel that you still want to wake up the next day, and the next day and the next because you know that person would be there for you and only you. I know some people will say that it’s not generally right that one should focus on another individual to get their full inspiration but sometimes it’s in Human nature that all they need is one person to do the things that so many people can’t make them do. Seeing all my friends and how happy they are with their “Special Someone”, it makes me smile and just think that i used to feel like that.

Based from my last post about the Breakup, some people would say “If you’re being so emotional about this stuff, why don’t you just get back with her?!”. Well, i would say that Missing the feeling is different from missing the person you had those feelings with. I mean yeah, I felt those feelings for that one person but we are in this situation right now because of the damage that was done. and forcing the feelings would not help.

“Pao, why don’t you give it a chance, don’t give up, baka kaya pa yan”. Believe me, I did. even more than i would want  to remember. It’s one of  my Characteristics that i don’t like (someties) that i still keep doing. I am a person who likes a good challenge. It makes me prove myself from the world (at least that’show i see it). so even though we had a very tough time before, i just tried to fix it and make it work thinking that it’s a worth it challenge for me, and if i accomplish it, i have something to be proud of. Until it was just too late and too much damage was done. I tried mending something broken not knowing that the cracks would still be visible.

Maybe i’m saying this because i have something i’d like to call a “Relationship Hangover”. Maybe i’m just not used to being single yet and i still long for someone. either that or I just find the joy in being inspired.

Either way, it would be better than waking up each day thinking: “Okay, what now? what to do, what to do? Wake up, go to work, go home, eat , sleep, repeat”. Don’t have someone to spend my free time with. That someone to tell your problems to and She actually listens and cares about it. That someone you get to be with when you are happy and she actually is happy too.The feeling was great. Thinking when i would have it again. I’m not that desperate, I’m not in a rush to have it because I know that when i rush it, it won’t turn out good.

At any rate, Just here waiting…

Hello again…it has been ages since i last posted. i mean, really long. the last time i posted, i was just new at my job, i was in a financial fix…and of course, i was not single at that time. yes, as of right now, i don’t have a girlfriend anymore. me and my girlfriend of 3 years decided to call it quits after an issue of her being with another guy.

That experience was not very easy for me to accept. it really does something to you when a person betrays your trust. i never looked at her the same again. i tried to forgive her but it just did not work. every hug that we do, i would think that another guy already hugged her the way i did. every kiss i did, she already done with another guy already. it just wasn’t the same.

To add to my doubts are pictures that i saw with the two of them being sweet and even kissing. it was just to much. i decided to become cold, i changed my number, i blocked her from my facebook and completely locked myself out from her. i thought that it would be better to think of myself for a change. these past 3 years with her, it’s always about how to take our relationship to the next level, how we would make our relationship better and how would we plan our future together. what i dod not know is that i was beginning to forget the other things in life. i started to get very fat, i forget about my responsibilities at home, i have no time for my firends that i love and love me so much. i wanted to catch up in all of those.

But alas, somethings are just not that easy to run from. just about this morning at 3am, while sleeping in the living room, someone was nocking at our door. it was my girlfriend who was teary eyed. she wanted to talk aout our situation. she pleaded to have another chance. begged me that she would change. promised that all will be better if we worked this through. If i was the same old me a couple of years ago, i would have forgiven her in a heartbeat. but things have changed….” I ” have changed. even though her crying image was my one and only weakness over the years. I still said “No”. it was really hard. especially if you loved that person for a long time. but i got thinking to myself “Tama na Pre, Sarili mo nmn yung isipin mo. Alam mong mauulit lang to at mahihirapan ka rin”. every time we try to work things out, problems just keep on happening all over again. she became selfish and did the shings that she wanted. it was time for me to do the same thing for myself. So even though we were not “reunited” by the end of the conversation, we parted ways. I know it would be hard to adjust on both ends but sometimes you just got to get on with your life.

Never forget to think about yourself. Don’t waste life on an experience that you cannot fix. Learn to value your life and all that you will experience in it because it’s what God gave you and you only live it once.

It’s been a Hell of a ride. So I would just like to say finally. Goodbye, It was nice to know you…

Hey. It has been a while since i last posted. been through a lot lately. financial problems here and there, emotional problems every now and then. not to mention lovelife(uii….haha). trying to balance it all for a worth it future. i always believe that there is a calm in every storm and i am on my way to it. hope it’s for the better. i’ll keep fighting until i get that inner peace that i have been wanting for so long. all will turn out best. we just need to have patience

Another day, another day…each time, it’s all the same. lately, i don’t want to sleep. or maybe i just don’t get sleepy. in my mind, i don’t want to take a rest because i feel like i haven’t done anything productive today. When i woke up, i made breakfast, watched TV, played on the PC, watched TV and then I’m here again on the PC. Having a job at the unemployment line is really not what i want. i don’t want to sleep because i know that tomorrow will just be the same. i cant pretty much do anything else. i force myself to be awake because i feel like the day is not complete even though it is chronologically. Everyday I pray, that this routine becomes over. I want to be productive in my life. all i have is faith and the proper initiative. let us hope that my faith brings me to what i want. 

OH well im here blogging again, which means i pretty much have nothing to do because i still dont have a job (demmit). having a job at the unemployment line really sucks, aside from not having a regular income, i am really left out on the social side of things. I dont get to go out with friends, i cant go on dates with my girl and most of all, i cant watch the movies I like in Theatres…argh, I maybe the only one mong every one i know who hasnt watched it yet, and sad to say, i have read the entire series from book 1 to 7, so for me, it’s kinda big deal for me. oh well, lets hope i get a job already so that i could finally do things that i want and i get to do things that i have planned for the future….Goodluck Pao!!!!